Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work

Overview

The six types described in this book respond to the facts in front of them in ways that sometimes get them into one kind of trouble or another. The routine meta-level interpretations inherent in their operating strategies trigger feelings of insecurity or cravings for greater security. Like all of us, they unconsciously check whether things are leading to a greater sense of security. If they are not, then their problematic patterns are triggered. In this chapter we are going to look at how emotions are involved in these patterns, and how to handle them. But first, here s an overview of how emotions affect our six types:

• The worrier , confronting certain unanswered questions, experiences fear. Fear drives rumination.

• The controller , feeling a little insecure that things might not go the way she thinks is best, gets very focused; maybe even angry . Her intensity shouts, ˜ ˜Oh my god, we must keep the train on the rails! Beneath the intensity is a fear of whatever consequences represent that person s worst nightmare.

• The fake projects what he thinks is his optimal image, out of fear that he may not measure up. Sometimes he feels conflicted when he compares the image with the truth.

• The attention-seeker works hard to wave his personal flag. Underneath the effort is a core fear that he will not be seen.

• The victim carries a fear of being responsible for failure. She works hard to avoid culpability.

• The prisoner is hooked by feelings such as anger, rejection , or fear.

Meta-level judgments create emotional responses. For some of us, negative emotions represent a greater percentage of our motivations and behaviors than we would like. So let s look at emotions in order to control them rather than be controlled by them.