How to Shine at Work

4. Listen Up—Your Ears Will Not Get You in Trouble

Have you ever been on a phone call when you just “checked out”? The other person is talking, and you have missed the last, oh, 30 seconds of conversation. Then you are asked a question that you cannot answer because you have not been paying attention, and an unpleasant feeling washes over you. You missed the conversation because you were writing a mental shopping list, adding something else to your to-do list, answering an email, or just distracted by something that was more important to you.

Effective listening skills have a huge impact on how well we relate to peers, friends, and family members and how well we perform our work, yet we often take listening for granted. Great listening skills do not just happen—they have to be developed. Here are a few tips for becoming a better listener:

• Do not interrupt. If you are anxious to be seen as right and to have your views known, you may not allow others to communicate their thoughts completely (translation: you interrupt). A good way to stop yourself from interrupting others is to take notes—it will help you remember the thought to which you wanted to respond, help you interpret before you respond, and keep you from interrupting when you think you know the answer.

• Be respectful. When listening, keep in mind that everyone is a decision maker and customer for your ideas, so do not burn any bridges. Demonstrate that you are taking the other person seriously. Show respect for their point of view, even when you disagree.

• Listen with open ears, warm eyes, and an open mind. If you focus on what is being said without judging it, you will be able to use any valuable information or concepts. If you judge others while you are listening, your ears are closed.

• Pay attention not only to the content of what someone is saying, but also to the emotions the person is revealing (how the person feels about what is being discussed). If you find yourself reacting to others rather than responding, you may find that you are uncomfortable with their emotion, and the content goes right out the window. When you appreciate how people feel about an issue, your understanding of the issue will be deeper.

  No one ever listened themselves out of a job. —Calvin Coolidge