Negotiate and Win: Proven Strategies from the NYPDs Top Hostage Negotiator

In my opinion, a good negotiator uses his or her personality during the negotiation. If he’s an easygoing guy, he’ll take a relaxed approach, talking in ways that are comfortable to him, probably BS’ing for a bit before getting to the actual meat of the issue. If she’s all business and likes to get quickly to the bullet point, then she should do that during the negotiating process.

All personalities complicate negotiations in their own way. Changing your personal style when you negotiate isn’t practical. And everyone has to negotiate at some point in their lives. The issue may not be nuclear proliferation, but negotiating a curfew is still negotiating—and sometimes nearly as hazardous.

And just as your personality is important, so is the personality of the guy or gal on the other side of the line. It’s important to understand the personality of the person you’re dealing with as you negotiate, because their particular bent plays a role in the process. Someone who is a narcissist egotist who thinks his pits smell like Chanel No. 5 ought to be treated differently than someone who is paranoid.

One little caution here: Don’t get too hung up on the following labels. You’re not giving the guy on the other side of the table a personality test, and you sure as hell are not interested in straightening out his head. All the negotiating team wants to do is negotiate. Knowing roughly where the guy is coming from—what parts of his personality are so beyond his control that they’re part of his negotiating technique—is enough. You want a psych degree, you go to college.

And besides, even with all the wonderful meds they have for psychos these days, it’s still hard as hell to get them to take them.